Goth Challenge #2 - 5 movies for Goths

Hmmm…  I love movies.  But as for what movies Goths should watch, I am not sure.  I prefer chick flicks, scary movies and comedies, myself.  I am going to approach this with the intention of suggesting movies that influence or inspire Goths.  

 

There are tons that come to mind.  Just this evening, I was watching Repo the Genetic Opera with my oldest son.  He loves that movie.  He knows more about it than I do.  My oldest is very interested in his namesake, Nivek Oghr (my son’s name is Nivek, not Oghr lol).  

Pavi, Nivek's character

Repo is a dark, futuristic musical with all the good stuff; gore, greed, wrath, envy.  The costuming is brilliant and inspiring.  I have wanted to dress up as Blind Mag for years but I am too scared of putting contacts in my eyes.  As you can see, contacts are the main focus of the character.

Blind Mag

I like to think of myself as a vampire aficionado.  Although, I have never seen nor will I ever see Twilight.  I do recommend a few of the best vampire flicks for this list.

Lost Boys was the first vampire movie I ever saw.  It showed me a carefree world I wanted to live in.  Where you belonged and you shared a bond like no other with beings just like you.  I lived in the south Bronx at the time and I did not have the nerve to express myself the way I really wanted to.  But soon after watching this, I found others like me and I began to explore the Goth community in NYC.

 

 Interview with the Vampire is definitely on the list.  I loved the books and I was extremely excited to see this one.  I was a little hesitant when I heard the main characters were Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, but they did a great job.  The Victorian dresses and romance of the era influenced me greatly.  I was playing V:tM at the time so I was caught up in another world almost nightly as it was.  I began to wear more flowy pieces in my outfits like capes and sheer ruffled tops and different makeup involving white foundation and red lips.    

 The Underworld franchise has been another more recent influence.  I saw the latest, Awakening, last year.  I liked how there is an explanation of the history of vampires.  I also like how there was a hierarchy and need for order among the vampires.  It’s much like V:tM.  It is dark and the fashion is much more my taste.  Simplistic designs, black on black. 

 As a nod to Steampunk, I have to add Sucker Punch.  Steampunk is my latest obsession.  It’s romantic, techy and fantasy all in one.  The fashion is gritty and bad ass.  The story is beautiful and heart wrenching.  Any girl who has been through abuse of any kind can relate to just wanting to escape into her own head and say f*** the world.

 

Those are my top picks.  I think you will enjoy them as much as I have. 

Bittersweet Nostalgia and Goth Challenge #54

I finally got around to ripping a bunch of CDs to my iTunes.  It’s really bringing me back to the good ol’ days.  I have been listening to a lot of it at work all night.  Switchblade Symphony, Tactical Sekt, old Cruxshadows, London After Midnight, The Crow Soundtrack, Suicide Commando, Hanzel Und Gretyl, Apoptygma Berzerk…  Add that to some new favorites like Abney Park and random dubstep, it’s like a dance party up in here at the office.  The only thing keeping me from really rocking out is the fear of a hidden camera somewhere.  They’ve joked about putting one in so I’m always on guard. 

I miss my baby bat days.  I have forgotten who I was all these years away from home.  I have lived in the Midwest for almost 13 years.  I have only been back to NYC 3 times and those trips have only been in the past 2 years.  I miss it so much.  I have never been able to call this place home.  It is not and it never will be.  I have gotten quite a lot of crap for feeling that way.  It’s upsetting and makes me feel alienated.  But only proves how much I don’t belong here.  

So I have tried to bury who I am deep down and immerse myself into the life here.  I have been unable to leave because my children’s fathers live here and I cannot legally leave.  I cannot bear to be away from them so leaving was not an option.  So I complain and whine about it almost daily to anyone who will listen and to many who don’t.  

I am slowly finding who I am.  Thanks to my super awesome job, I can look how I want (to an extent).  I have pierced my lip finally.  I have dyed my hair black with a touch of blue.  So far, no complaints.  It’s harder than I thought hiding a tiny stud.  Tonight, I kept “biting my nails” and drinking from my water bottle to hide it from a tech I was speaking to about a project I’m working on.  It was amusing.  It’s definitely worth it though.  I am beginning to like what I look like for once in a loooooooong while.  I have neglected my appearance for so long.  Every day I would get up and think “what’s the point?” and not bother making any effort.

#54 Share photos and experiences from your Baby Bat Days

I decided to skip around the Goth Challenge questions since I found these pics when I was organizing my home office area this past weekend.  

As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up in NYC.  I was actually born in Canada.  My mom, sister and I moved to the Bronx where my mother was from when my adopted parents divorced.  I was about 6.  Here is a pic of me being absolutely adorable.  I know it’s not a Baby Bat pic but definitely worth posting.  It reminds me of my boys when they were little.  They have my eyes.  Well almost, they have beautiful, thick, long lashes that I envy.

Here are a couple of pics from my old neighborhood.  When I was in 6^th grade, we moved out my grandmother’s place into an apartment on 176^th street in the Bronx.  I am actually sitting on the stoop outside of my friend’s building down the block from where I lived.  Two girls I used to hang out with lived in the same building so it made sense for us to hang out there.   Besides, my building didn’t have stairs to laze around on.  My mother was in a wheelchair so stairs were out of the question.  I miss those two girls.  We had a huge falling out before I ran off to the Midwest.  We haven’t spoken since then. 

These stairs were where we filmed a goth video for Rosie’s class, stealthily smoked cigarettes, met up to go to shows in the Village, and generally made the rest of our neighbors uncomfortable.  “Brujah” was what was yelled at us.  I was the most outlandish so it didn’t bother me.  I liked scaring people.  You can’t really tell from these pics, but I usually wore much more makeup and had colored streaks in my hair. 

Here is a pic of me in my most favorite place in the whole world.  Washington Square Park, under “the tree”.  There was a tree that all of us congregated to.  I say “us” because there was a huge group of regular kids who met up there all day every day, rain or shine, before school, after school, during school.  We were from all over the city.  Some Jersey kids even infiltrated our group.  We were ravers, punks, goths, misfits from all walks of life.  There you could barely see a heated argument between friends, Tarot readings, energy manipulations, quiet musings of life from the vantage point of 16 years olds through the smoke of clove cigarettes and weed smoke.  It was magical and I will never forget those times.

The tree is gone now.  The concrete benches have been replaced.  No one gathers there anymore.  We have all grown old and moved on to careers, starting families and adult life.  I went back there once last March, 2012.  It was all I could do not to burst into tears.  My soul is there. 

I think I can recapture that spirit I had.  I think I can find who I am and become whole.  Until then, join me on my journey to self-discovery. 

Love What You Do

I love my job.  I absolutely love it.  I am an IT tech at a global corporation.  I am the 3^rd shift tech so I get the building to myself.  It’s a new position for me and at first I was scared to work at night by myself but I have grown to love it!  I don’t have to interact with anyone.  I can do my work uninterrupted.  I can listen to music as loudly as I want to.  I can watch movies in the background as I work.  It is so ideal.  

The best part is I can finally start to look how I want to look.  I was a hardcore Goth years back; dripping in black velvet, lace and leather and a few lbs. of makeup every single day.  I moved to the Midwest and toned it down.  I still dyed my hair with streaks of color, wore all black and heavy eyeliner, though.  But it was a watered down version of who I really was.  As the years went by and I had children who took up my time and finances, I completely lost who I was.

That is the main focus of this blog.  I am documenting my transition back to who I was.  I am finding a balance between what I have to do as a professional, mother and wife and what I want to do.  This position will allow me to do that.  

Today, I am wearing a Tool hoodie, black babydoll shirt over a grey lace cami, jeans with metal spikes on the back and my Chucks.  I could never look like this on any other shift.  I used to wear dress slacks, blouses and heels every day.  But now, I am comfortable.

Besides the obvious freedom, I have increased responsibilities.  I have been climbing my way up from a temp on a 2 week assignment to a full time salaried employee with incredible benefits, perks (iPhone, laptop, expense account) in barely over a year.  My bosses have faith in me and they trust me.  I have never loved any past job as much as I love this one.  I enjoy my work.  I take pride in what I do.  I am a hard worker and it has finally paid off.  My work is fulfilling and challenging.  So yes, I love what I do.

Goth Challenge #1

Goth Challenge question 1

Five pieces that every goth wardrobe should have, regardless of style

1. Corsets, of course.  Every goth, and every female in my opinion, should own a corset or 2, or 3 or 12.  They are the perfect accessory.  They are ultra feminine, which isn’t too horrible.  They do amazing things.  I am a big girl so they are imperative to defining (or rather finding) a waist.  But they are definitely flattering for even the less zaftig of creatures. 

My personal preference are underbust corsets. 

      

         

2.  Boots.  Boots of all heights are necessary.  I think no expense should be spared on a decent pair of gothy boots.  I love high lace up boots.  But I do own quite a few high heeled, zippered boots, though.  My favorite ones are the wedge corset lace back boots I bought for last year’s NY EndlessNight Ball.  Knee high combat boots are a musthave.  Anything from Demonia is to die for.

 

3.  Tights are a staple.  They can be worn under dresses, skirts, shorts, ripped pants, etc.  A pair of tights can be a shirt, double duty.  Well, an undershirt, please.  I have never been able to just wear fishnet, regardless of my girth.  The cutest ones are the ones with the seam on the back of the legs.  Love those! Colored fishnets are fun to layer.  Stripey tights are adorable!  I have always loved them.  There are tons of styles out now.  Or you can go oldschool and just rip some up.  I used to wear 2 or 3 torn stockings. 

   

4.  Long black skirt, any fabric.  I used to have a long velvet skirt that I loved.  I have no idea what became of it.  I now have a tiered one that I wear occasionally. 

    

5.  Little black asymmetrical dress.  Must have!!!  There are tons out lately.  I love them all.  They were the gateway to Lolita for me but I never went all the way.  They are gorgeous and fun and you can wear them all night without any issues, compared to a ball gown.