Take some time out for yourself once in awhile

I am impulsive.  I have always been this way.  I make these split decisions and then regret them.  But then when I take my time on a decision I obsess over it for days, weeks, months, years until it blows up in my face because I waited too long….

In this case, I feel pretty good about it.  I ordered Wen.  I know, I know.  It’s not a life changing decision.  I just like to be a bit melodramatic sometimes.  So I apologize for the ominous introduction (even if it is all completely true).  For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about.  Wen is a hair care revolution.  Some sort of magical treatment that replaces the most common 5 hair products most of us use daily to look somewhat presentable every day of our lives.  It is a shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioner, detangler and leave-in conditioner all in one.  

I am a sucker for early morning infomercials.  It’s gotten worse since I work 3^rd shift now.  I get home in time to watch the end of some.  And on days off, I’m up all night watching whatever I DVR’d that week and infomercials while I get homework or work done.  This one has been one I’ve scoffed at for weeks. 
 

I used to love taking care of myself.  I loved spending time and money getting my nails done, getting haircuts every season, buying new clothes and makeup, watching and reading blogs on new makeup techniques and hairstyles….  But since I have gained so much weight this year…  I don’t do any of that anymore.  I didn’t notice how much I have neglected myself until one day, I dug out some eyeliner and lipstick and my husband asked who I was getting all dressed up for….  That made me sad (and a little mad).  

Why did it seem so out of character for me to put some makeup on?  Because I haven’t done it in months, that’s why.  I quit doing anything to draw attention to myself.  I despised passing mirrors.  They just showed me how much my body has changed; how much I have let myself go.  I have anxiety attacks just thinking about any kind of social interaction when people might have to look at me.  

I have a horrible self-image.  And it has to stop.  So, lately, I have been putting on makeup every day.  I have been making small changes, water instead of soda sometimes, salad instead of fried foods sometimes.  I know I have to make drastic changes to see any kind of drastic changes but I am not ready yet.  

This little investment in hair care has made me realize I have to make other changes.  I say I need to lose weight a million times a day.  I joke about being a “fat ass” and call myself the “fat funny one” now.  I used to be the “pretty one” or sometimes the “smart one”.  I just want to be the one to say it first before people say it behind my back.  I know what I look like.  It wasn’t a big issue until I moved to the new house a few months ago…

My husband and I moved ourselves (every one of our friends were mysteriously unreachable that weekend lol) across town.  We had a ton of furniture and appliances.  Well we managed to get it all done.  That Sunday my knee was hurting a little bit.  I didn’t think much about it.  Until it got progressively worse.  By Tuesday I could barely put any weight on it at all.  I went to a doctor to make sure it wasn’t anything serious that required any kind of surgery.  It was derangement of the knee and I was told to use crutches and offered pain medication which I turned down because I absolutely hate pain meds.  I limped for about a week and a half and once in awhile it still gives me problems.  

So I did the best thing I could think of.  I looked online about ways to alleviate knee/joint pain.  I have been getting random pains and just not feeling well at all lately.  I have trouble breathing and sleeping.  And lo and behold, every article I read said to lose weight.  My weight is putting way too much pressure on my joints.  Pressure that I have never had to deal with before.  The only time I was ever over 130 was when I was pregnant.  I have absolutely no excuse for my size now.

My BMI is 28.6 at the moment which is overweight, leaning towards obesity.  I had a checkup done for an insurance break at work ($20 off per month for 15 minutes of my life, sure!).  That should have been a wakeup call.  I put the results away and I haven’t looked at them since.  I don’t know how to deal with it right now.  I have high everything, cholesterol, triglycerides…  You name it, I have it.  

My oldest son is taking after me.  I have to change.  I have to do it now.  I can’t wait. My family needs me and I have to set a good example.

An intro of sorts

I have been trying to figure out what kind of blog I want to make this.  I have been thinking of all the reasons why to start a blog and researching other blogs and obsessing….  But now I think I will just dive in and let it take me where it wants to go.

I have many interests.  I have many influences.  I have so much to pull from.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I am a career woman.  I am a student.  I want to lose weight.  I love to cook.    I love to travel.  I love to go on ghost hunts.  I want to pursue photography.  I want to work for myself someday.... 

Instead of going in one direction, I think I will just write.  I want to document my life and all the experiences me and my family have. 

I may find a focus and go with it.  But until then, this will be a place for me to get my ideas out of my head.  I have so much going on at all times.

I am a mother of 3 boys and 1 step daughter. My husband and I have a very interesting family.  There is Vek, 12, Lil, 11, Boo, 9, and Zill, 3.  The boys are mine.  But our weird little brood keeps us busy and entertained for now.  They are all hilarious.  They are all sweet.  Their dynamic is intriguing.  The baby is cuddly but fierce.  The middle boy has the weirdest obsessions.  It's been llamas lately....  The girl can hold her own with all these brothers.  She's not scared of them in the slightest.  And the oldest is a big softie.  It could be all the hormones but he's so sensitive to everything around him.

I am a wife.  It's a new role for me.  I have never been one to want to actually get married despite being "engaged" a few times in the past.  I have learned so much about who I am and what I want in life though. 

I am a career woman.  I stumbled into my dream job.  I was unemployed a couple years ago.  I was going to school full time.  I was offered a 2 week temporary assignment which turned into a 90 day part time contract which turned into full time employment.  I am currently in the IT field.  I love my job.  I do not have a degree yet so I am extremely fortunate to be where I am today.

I am still a student.  I took a year off and now I am back.  I go to a regular university but I take distance (online) courses.  Online classes are waaaaaaaaaaaay harder than conventional lecture type classes.  I am determined to graduate.